Comments on: new-fangled http://aurevoirgoodbyesolong.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/new-fangled/ Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:21:36 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: JKN http://aurevoirgoodbyesolong.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/new-fangled/#comment-127 JKN Sat, 20 Dec 2008 16:54:17 +0000 http://aurevoirgoodbyesolong.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/380/#comment-127 Thanks for this. As a writer, I can't help myself but to reflect, reflect, reflect, and sometimes I worry that it's not doing anyone much good. But in my gut, I do believe that the kind of awareness that comes from writing and thinking deeply on something can only help all those involved. It's one way in which I meditate. I do find that it's becoming easier over time to become light with my ex. To make light, that is, of some things he does that could really anger me - like dating our former babysitter. I get a lot further - within myself and with him - if I roll my eyes and just k ind of think, "Well, there ya go." Thanks for this. As a writer, I can’t help myself but to reflect, reflect, reflect, and sometimes I worry that it’s not doing anyone much good. But in my gut, I do believe that the kind of awareness that comes from writing and thinking deeply on something can only help all those involved. It’s one way in which I meditate.

I do find that it’s becoming easier over time to become light with my ex. To make light, that is, of some things he does that could really anger me – like dating our former babysitter. I get a lot further – within myself and with him – if I roll my eyes and just k ind of think, “Well, there ya go.”

]]> By: nyjlm http://aurevoirgoodbyesolong.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/new-fangled/#comment-126 nyjlm Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:18:51 +0000 http://aurevoirgoodbyesolong.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/380/#comment-126 a friend of mine in jr high and high school switched homes every day (this was the early to late 80's) and I could not fathom doing that. Her parents lived in relatively close proximity, but not within the Newsweek subject's 10 block radius (this was on Staten Island, a less walking/public transit friendly borough). She either had to beg teachers to find her another textbook or take all of her books back and forth every day. Long before my own parents split I thought it was kind of selfish of her parents to insist on that, so it was an interesting change of perspective to watch that video. I am very thankful that I was on the verge of college when my parents decided to divorce and that we didn't have to deal with custody arrangements. I do think that my parents had a good divorce- a great divorce if such a thing exists- at least for my sister and myself. Yeah, my dad was a dumbass at times, telling us how awesome he was that he 'let' us stay in the house, but my parents were definitely united by acting in our best interest. To me, that's the key to it- parents choosing to act like the grownups they are for the sake of the kids. I also believe that even one parent acting maturely can make a divorce good for the kids. My mother had plenty of reason to undermine my dad (he had an affair and married that woman) but she never did. It's after 1am here and I no longer have any idea what I was trying to say or if I managed to get the thoughts across. I was 17 when they split, almost 39 now, and still think about divorce and its role in my life quite a bit. While I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, I'm glad to see you writing about divorce in this way- and I think many kids would be a lot better off if their parents thought about it and talked about it. a friend of mine in jr high and high school switched homes every day (this was the early to late 80’s) and I could not fathom doing that. Her parents lived in relatively close proximity, but not within the Newsweek subject’s 10 block radius (this was on Staten Island, a less walking/public transit friendly borough). She either had to beg teachers to find her another textbook or take all of her books back and forth every day. Long before my own parents split I thought it was kind of selfish of her parents to insist on that, so it was an interesting change of perspective to watch that video.

I am very thankful that I was on the verge of college when my parents decided to divorce and that we didn’t have to deal with custody arrangements. I do think that my parents had a good divorce- a great divorce if such a thing exists- at least for my sister and myself. Yeah, my dad was a dumbass at times, telling us how awesome he was that he ‘let’ us stay in the house, but my parents were definitely united by acting in our best interest. To me, that’s the key to it- parents choosing to act like the grownups they are for the sake of the kids. I also believe that even one parent acting maturely can make a divorce good for the kids. My mother had plenty of reason to undermine my dad (he had an affair and married that woman) but she never did.

It’s after 1am here and I no longer have any idea what I was trying to say or if I managed to get the thoughts across. I was 17 when they split, almost 39 now, and still think about divorce and its role in my life quite a bit. While I’m sorry for the pain you are going through, I’m glad to see you writing about divorce in this way- and I think many kids would be a lot better off if their parents thought about it and talked about it.

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