“Mama, I want to cuddle.” Thomas announces this two or three times a day, often after he’s been playing some imaginary game with guns and missiles and hand-to-hand combat. I love how quickly his 5-year old self can change direction and how clear he is about his needs, which are so simple. They’re pretty in keeping with mine, too – the cuddling part, that is, not so much the spitting missile noises.

As I’ve hinted to friends that a date here or there would be a welcome change of pace, I’ve been surprised by how many people have quipped with half seriousness:  ”I know plenty of couples looking for a threesome.”  Then there are other friends with known affairs going on - tres French, several hidden affairs, one couple with a penchant for saran wrap, and the friend’s husband who ended up to be dating women all over the country via a web site called sugardaddy.com. 

When two friends and I sat around having tea and scones and trying to think of nice men in town — single or otherwise, just NICE — I brought up a guy who I’ve known for years and really like. One of my table mates squinched up her face. “What??!” I said, eyes dramatically popping, “Please don’t tell me anything bad about this one.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” my friend said, “I just know someone who regularly has threesomes with him and his wife and ends up getting hurt too often.” 

How does my desire for cuddling (and, don’t worry, more too….) size up with this environment of new positions, new partners, and open dalliances?  I don’t want old fashioned in the way of inequality or misogyny, but I seem to be veering toward the middle to right-hand side of some sexual road. But is anyone else there?