“He supports me in an umbrella sense. You know – the house, money. …My mom says to consider it that he’s paying me to take care of the kids and the house for him. …. I can’t leave. I need Max to grow up with his [step]brothers. … but he’s never home, he doesn’t listen to me, he’s always busy. The other night I was in bed and was actually relieved he wasn’t there. … I love him dearly, but I need more.”
So spoken by a friend who has covered wars, famines, and genocides for some of the largest news organizations in the world. A woman who owns her own bullet proof vest. A woman who speaks, oh, maybe six languages, and can tell you the type of her favorite helicopter.
Which is to say, we can all get stuck.
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June 19, 2009 at 12:07 am
Shell
Oh, isn’t this the way we treat ourselves so often – as paid caregivers, or people somehow “less than” in our relationships though we are beyond competent outside its walls? It seems many of us have a particular disease: the have to be a partner no matter the cost illness.
It is so hard when the one who is truly paying is the one inside of us, all starving and lonely, yet so happy sometimes to be alone – like in bed when “he” or “she” is gone for a time. That said, oh, it is hard. Perhaps it is even more difficult when we ARE so good at other jobs, including our mothering. Guilt is a powerful thing.
Just some thoughts.