Wow, seek and ye shall find. I posted those thoughts on grieving yesterday and just now stumbled on this article, Stay with the Soft Spot, by Pema Chodron, which my friend Kristin sent a few days back:
Take grief, for instance. Grief is completely pregnant with bodhichitta—it’s full of heart, love and compassion. But we tend to freeze or harden against grief because it’s so painful. We bring in the clouds. In fact, we’re good at bringing in the clouds and keeping them in place. We’re good at fixating on them.
But when you practice the teachings that say, “Stay with the grief, see it as your link to all humanity,” you begin to understand that grief is a doorway to realizing that the sun is always shining. You begin to understand that the weather is transient like clouds in the sky. You begin to have more trust in the underlying goodness—the underlying “sun quality”—of your being.
I am trying to trust in the underlying goodness of my heart – celebrating its ability to be so clear in its choices (I saw Ponyo yesterday and, believe me, I felt a very kindred spirit in that hugely certain, bounding, loving little girl), while also trying to practice patience.
Ah, patience… A friend reminded me of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. While I haven’t been to the underworld–San Francisco wasn’t that whacked– and I’m certainly not playing mournful songs of longing, I do share Orpheus’ impatience and anxiety. Instead of being in the now, I am wondering and canoodling about the future and its possibilities. “Don’t look back,” said my friend, though he should have added, “or foward.” Just sit HERE with your big, beautiful heart and be thankful for all of its power. Ba boom. Ba boom.
Alright, sermon dismissed!

4 comments
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August 18, 2009 at 2:51 am
Jeff
Thanks for that Jen. I like Pema Chodron, but that quote is a little too rosy for me. I prefer to give myself over to grief with full on abandonment, not knowing if anything positive will ever come. I like the power of owning the situation I’ve had a part in and then feeling like, “I caused some of this, I’m going to pay for it now willingly with the grief.” And then because the cycle of life is that feelings move and change, I can never stay in the grief too long, I get kicked out of it like an asteroid shooting around a planet. But grief, especially over divorce has had a beginning, middle and end for me. My childhood grief is another story. Man, I revisit that whenever I have to, because I get triggered, but I wish that would end.
Not looking forward . . . boy that’s tricky stuff.
February 17, 2010 at 6:16 pm
pile on! « Au Revoir, Goodbye, So Long: life after divorce
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February 18, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Jennifer
thank you thank you thank you!
August 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm
and the beat goes on… « Au Revoir, Goodbye, So Long: life after divorce
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