It’s almost worse to be in a place that is neither hot nor cold, neither incredibly sad nor terribly content. I am getting over the drama that was San Francisco – learning and re-learning lessons about obsessive thinking and how I beat myself up when things don’t go as I hope. Lessons about the great significance of being naked with another person and how that can open you up to so many emotions and memories. (A note on that: Being naked was great. Easy. Sweet. Delicious. But sitting with my naked emotions the next day and the feeling of having been opened up – and yes I mean that literally and figuratively – well, that was much much tougher and not so sweet. Very bittersweet, in fact. I’d say Scharffen Berger 65% cacao single origin dark chocolate, to be exact.)
So here I am now, not nearly as dark and crazy-headed as I was at 4:30 in the morning when some nice Eastern European cab driver took me to SF International Airport — but what does look bright and happy at that time in the morning while driving through a city’s underbelly? Instead, I’m facing mediation in four days. The kids are back at school, Bea full of trepidation. I’m negotiating cheese graters and the Jewish high holidays with the ex. And just trying to find the grace in being here now. No drama. No temptation. No kisses on the ears, but no tears either.

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August 27, 2009 at 1:48 am
Jeff
Thanks for that Jen. Always good to be reminded of the joy of . . . er realities of sex. I’ve been getting fooled by that one for years. And how lucky you are to have the kids back in school. Mine are still here. I fired off a blog post today on how crazy it’s been making me.
I think if we’re doin it right though, uncomfortable is par for the course a lot of times. The alternative seems to be a lot of crazy sh#&.
August 27, 2009 at 3:07 am
Jennifer
Thanks – yeah. Sex. Wow. It’s somehow harder the more you know. Better, too – that’s the good part. You are so much more present – not all worried and in your head – and, if you’re lucky, just more comfortable in your skin (even if there’s a bit more skin than at 22). But being more present during also means you’re more present after. If there’s an authentic connection – as hopefully there is – it is all the more poignant the next day. Especially if the two people involved don’t feel they can make the rest of their lives jibe, for whatever 40-something pragmatic reason. So I’ve just been left sort of reeling – like, “Wow, THAT was great…. but … but… our lives are just so different and none of this quite lines up.” Stuff you just didn’t think about or even care that much about when you were 22.
So it’s been good for me to remember how wonderful sex can be since I’ve been kind of down on it of late. But also important to remember the very big ways in which it opens my heart and just gets into the dark spaces.
Shew, hopefully that wasn’t TMI!
August 27, 2009 at 5:05 am
Jeff
. . . good stuff.