Sylvia Plath and her children.
In the midst of holding my daughter while she howled over having bitten the inside of her lip, as the 92-year old dog (in dog years) tripped yet again and fell to the ground, as Thomas screamed that he couldn’t have desert because he’d already been given two sugar cookies (before dinner and without my permission) at soccer, as no freelance work appears on the horizon and no new metier makes itself clear, as the bills overflow on my so-called and poorly named “communications table” … I wonder if I’m really going to be able to do this on my own. This is not what God intended – and I don’t even believe in God. But who/whatever created this great soup of life surely did not intend for one woman to care for two kids on her own while trying to make a living. It just doesn’t add up.
When I was pregnant with both kids and living in a different house — a very narrow, old farmhouse with a single toilet downstairs — I’d invariably have to go to the bathroom at 2 a.m. on frigid nights. All the way down, gripping the banister that a thoughtful friend had installed, I’d repeat mantra-like: “At least I have a bathroom. At least I have a bathroom.” It got me through many nocturnal pees with my grace intact and without rancor. I’m looking now for my mantra.
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October 22, 2009 at 1:41 am
Jeff
I can’t even imagine. I think it would be hardest on my creative side.
Hope you can carve out a little time for yourself in the midst of it.
October 22, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Lara
“This, too, shall pass”, perhaps?
or to flip the perspective, maybe it is what is intended by the great Universe or God or whatever mastermind is behind our existence. Maybe these moments when we can feel sanity slipping away even for a brief moment teach us something when it returns. Teaches us that sanity DOES return. And perhaps there is strength in getting through those moments with your ability to seek emotional sustenance through writing still intact. It always helps me to ask if my situation would be really be that enhanced if I were with a partner (particularly my ex), and usually the answer is “no”. I believe the Universe will provide. In the moments when I can’t depend on myself for assurance, I set an intention to give myself strength to muddle through until I can. Today, I’ll set one for you, too!